A realization

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Love isn’t safe anywhere.

You see I put my whole heart there because I thought if I can put my heart anywhere it’s in friendship. Friendship. No one will cut me or break me there, we chose each other freely no physical no needing just laughter and teasing, those are the purest most unassuming forms of love. Until I found out my friendship love is just as vulnerable as lovers receding, and so I died a little inside. It’s like they see the depth of you and say “no thank you” I’m sure life will be fine without you, and I want to close that part of me off so I can never feel the hurt and pain that is…friendship? But then what qualifies love? The ultimate friendship love is freely given with no reservations or requirements, the purest most selfless love I want to see reflected in me and so I die to myself and choose to guard my heart, rebuking the urge to grow bitter because I know the freedom to be me doesn’t lie in secreting but vowing to love all purely guarding the deepness that is me until time and life and truth shows they can handle the full me,

it’s not for everybody.

A look back as I move forward

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These are a few of my sketches & hand renderings from undergrad. I love how there are so many different ways to capture a space. Right now I’m having fun trying out all methods of illustration, but I do know that I love to sketch with pen. The lines are so sure. There are no mistakes because each untrained line helps capture the elusive nature of the subject.

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One of the most beautiful beaches in the world…

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My family went on vacation to San Destin, FL and, since we were near by, decided to go see what’s advertised as one of the most beautiful beaches in the world…we intended to see.

as our car bobbed and weaved through the sand dunes, I affirmed that there wasn’t too much special about this place yet. Scruffy brush and brown grass spread before a blue sky characterized our view. We rolled gently to a stop next to the bright white ticket stand where a man welcomed us to the park trading our money for his smile and pointed us to our destination. With a turn to the right we were in the parking lot and swiftly found a space to stop. I stretched and yawned as I slid out of the car and surveyed my surroundings. The concrete jungle where cars live surrounded me about the size of a basketball court, but beyond that the sand dunes rose up and down, up and down, a series of shrunken mountains.

A single wooden bridge snaked its way through the dunes creating a graceful arch into the dunes and then hugged a corner where the eye beckoned the spirit to follow. And there lay redemption.

As I rounded that first corner the sun burst in all its glory from behind a sand studded hill. The wooden bridge is supported by piers so one feels as if they glide while trailing through the plump mountains. The dunes are sprinkled with life abundantly, different shades of greens and gold waving and flowing as you continue your winding way to your destination. And then you smell it. The salt of the sea.

As you approach the final straightaway, shadows cast by dunes guarding each side, you see the line of blue on the horizon growing closer and closer and closer and closer until finally you are released from the dunes into the light. And you see the journey was worth it.

Standing on that final goodbye of wood, you are greeted by the sand and the ocean and the sky and as your gaze wanders to the right, you see the sand and the water receding in a perfect 1-point perspective to the town in the distance. Turning to your left the same transpires. The day is glorious. And as you sink your toes into the warm sand you feel a rush of joy. Walking to the mid point between the bridge going back and the ocean going forward you receive the distinct impression of standing in a globe and you are the center. And as the sun sets in the distance you realize this is a little bit of heaven.

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